Today, as a happily married woman, I am writing to my ex-boyfriends openly on our blog.
#AWKWARD
You might be thinking, “Why would you ever do that, crazy pants?”
I am currently thinking the same, especially since much of my dating past looks like Taylor Swift’s Blank Space:
‘Cause we’re young and we’re reckless
We’ll take this way too far
It’ll leave you breathless
Or with a nasty scar
Got a long list of ex-lovers
They’ll tell you I’m insane
But I’ve got a blank space, baby
And I’ll write your name
Yup. That about sums it up.
Over the past few years as I’ve seen photos of old flames pop into my social media accounts, it’s left me thinking about what I’d say to those guys if I saw them again someday.
So without further ado, here we go.
Gulp.
Fellas.
You know who you are…and you may or may not ever think of me but I think of you from time to time.
Fear not, this won’t be a burn letter where I reveal all your faults and flaws.
I simply want to tell you three things today: I’m Sorry, Thank You, and I Wish You Well.
I’ll go into each of those sentiments below.
I’m Sorry
For those of you I dated in High School, you may not know but when I was a freshman in college, I went through a life-changing experience – I encountered Jesus Christ in a real and personal way that radically changed everything about how I live my life.
Yes, when we dated, I was Catholic but I didn’t know how to live that faith in every area of my life, specifically in my relationship with you.
What I’ve learned since that time is that the best relationships, and ultimately marriage, help both parties become the best versions of themselves. To help one another be more giving, kind, loving, patient, and selfless. Essentially more like Christ.
I know that in our relationship I didn’t always help you become a better version of who God created you to be, particularly when it comes to chastity. I took something from you and allowed you to take something from me only intended as blessings for our future spouses.
I see photos of you with your wives (whom I have so much respect for) on Facebook and I just wish I could take back what was ultimately theirs. It hurt to look my husband Jonathan in the eye while engaged and tell him about mistakes I made in past relationships. I’ve gotten to say sorry to him but never to you and your wife, which wasn’t OK with me. Please accept my apologies.
To those of you I dated in College and beyond, though I don’t have chastity regrets, I have others, namely I expected far too much from you. Now that I’m married, I can see that many things I expected from you were premature. No, we didn’t struggle crossing physical boundaries but we soared past appropriate emotional boundaries. I pushed us to be more emotionally involved than was healthy…again taking something from your future vocation and mine. Please accept my apologies.
Thank You
Sure, there were regrets from our relationship but there were also a lot of highlights. You guys helped me realize I love watching basketball, dancing, pulling pranks, praying in the chapel late at night, watching action movies, and eating Indian food to name a few.
We may not have helped one another become better people in all ways but there were certainly parts of my life that improved just by knowing you. I’ve been shaped by family and friends to become the woman I am today but you also played a role in that. You made me a better woman and ultimately a better wife to Jonathan.
In each relationship I learned more about myself and who would be a good match for me in marriage one day. Through dating a wide variety of temperaments and personalities, I learned that humor was vital for me in a marriage because I am freaking high strung. Shocking, right? 🙂
Before meeting Jonathan I was absolutely convinced I needed a man who could make me laugh because in reflecting on all past romances, laughter produced the healthiest relationships I’d been in. The first quality that attracted me to him was his wild and crazy humor, so thank you for helping me discover that need.
I Wish You Well
I doubt the last conversations we had were pleasant. I mean, are breakups ever amazing memories?
Thankfully I have forgotten them by now but however things ended, I sincerely wish you the best in life.
When I see your face pop up on social media, I find myself hoping you’re happy, wherever you may be.
God bless, Amanda
