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Good Friday

Infertility, Marriage

Little Happies: Easter

April 21, 2014

This Little Happies link up is brought to you by the Easter Triduum!


easter 3Holy Thursday

Jonathan and I were honored to  be asked by our Deacon to have our feet washed at the Holy Thursday evening mass. I have never gotten to do that before and it was truly a humbling and meditative experience.

Afterwards, our parish had a side chapel where people could spend time with Jesus in the “garden” since we are remembering those three days with him. After the Last Supper, he prayed in the Garden of Gethsemene and finally was arrested and imprisoned that night. It’s a really special time to “keep watch” with the Lord “in the garden” to prepare for Good Friday.


Good Friday

We were unable to make it to any Good Friday services at our parish due to a ultra-sound I had to get on my ovaries to check for any follicles. The happy in this was that I  was able to unite my real sufferings to Jesus during the hour of Divine Mercy on Good Friday. Usually I don’t get to have that concrete of something to grasp onto when I am drowning in pain or sadness. Another happy was that there was a mature follicle and I got to take a HCG trigger shot to attempt at getting it to ovulate. Getting a intra-muscular butt shot from Jonathan was another way to unite myself to the cross in a tangible way that made me happy.


easter 2

Holy Saturday

Jonathan and I went to our friends’ home on Saturday to color Ukranian Psanky Easter Eggs! This is just one example of the cool things you can do with these eggs. Try it sometime!

We had plans to go to the Easter Vigil but Jonathan’s psanky egg may or may not have taken five hours…so we missed the vigil this year and went Sunday morning instead. As we prepped food and cleaned the house, we watched The Ten Commandments again. Love that movie!


Easter 1

We had another couple friend over for the day and had an Easter Sunday Dominion Tournament. Enough said.


This was part of the food spread. I even used the good china! We had homeade gluten-free crepes with a variety of fixings, a sausage breakfast casserole, asparagus, baked grapefruit, smoky gouda cheese and cracker platter, veggie platter, coffee, mimosas, and chocolate chip cookies with vanilla bean ice cream. It was glorious.

We even threw a game of Catan Cities and Knights into the day to mix things up. Our friends came over at 11:30am and left eleven hours later. It was a very fun day and it took my mind of the HCG trigger shot situation.

But sadly, as I write this post, I have a lot of abdominal pain. Meaning I most likely did NOT ovulate and have yet another leutinized unruptured follicle aka LUF…I guess the Good Friday graces for me to suffer happily are gone, as I feel totally devastated and alone…again. It also doesn’t help that everyone and their dog decided to announce they are pregnant on Facebook today. Lesson learned – don’t get on Facebook on national holidays when you are infertile. Everyone will either be 1. pregnant or 2. taking some perfect family photo with their children in cute outfits and posting it for me to see. I know nobody means harm to me but getting on Facebook anymore feels like getting run over by a semi truck. An infertile girl can only take so many babies and bellies being flaunted on one’s newsfeed before they go insane and grow into a depressed shell of themselves.

But this is not a post about being sad. It’s about the happies in life, so I won’t linger any longer.

Getting back to focusing on the blessings in life – How will we celebrate the entire EASTER OCTAVE?!?!?!?! I don’t know yet but we will be doing something to celebrate every single day. Hope yall do the same because it’s really Easter for eight full days! Wahoo!

Infertility, Marriage

Waiting At The Tomb

April 19, 2014

A few months ago, someone suggested a few places to “visit” in prayer. One of those was the Tomb of Jesus on Holy Saturday.

I began imagining the scene. I recalled the previous 48 hours of events . The Last Supper and institution of the Eucharist. The indifference of Pilot. Jesus’ crucifixion and death. How they brought him off the cross and Joseph of Arimethea offered a tomb to lay Jesus’ body in. The darkness over the land. The broken heart of Our Blessed Mother. The confusion of the disciples. The despair of Judas. The denial of Peter.

So very much to think about.

But now, everything is still. It’s quiet here at the tomb of Jesus. The disciples are nowhere to be found. Just a guard or two lurking nearby. Not much is happening but I know what’s coming.

Holy Saturday is a weird place to be caught. It’s not Good Friday nor is it yet Easter. It’s like an intermission.

As I meditated, everything was relating back to our journey with infertility.

In carrying this cross, in many ways, we have died with Christ. Dreams shattered. Plans crushed. Control surrendered. Selfishness stripped away. Entitlement shred. Part of us is “in the tomb” with him yet we wait on the outside. Our desires have been put to death but are awaiting resurrection. That’s where we live from day to day. I hope that doesn’t sound morbid or weird but it’s just our reality.

Our life, in so many ways, is an ongoing Holy Saturday. 

The tomb on Holy Saturday is the perfect place for me to “go to” in prayer. It depicts my reality so well. Heck, anyone in the midst of suffering and waiting for a resurrection should meditate at the tomb. It doesn’t have to be infertility.

I know Easter Sunday will come in due time. The resurrection will manifest itself. We will not wait in limbo forever. Knowing that brings my heart peace to keep waiting and offering my pain up…watching for that tomb stone to roll back. To see Jesus in all his glory and to allow him to resurrect the pain we’ve united to him.

Death will not get the last word.