Browsing Tag

emily letts

Infertility, Marriage

An Open Letter To A Mother Who Chose Abortion

May 12, 2014

Dear Emily,

I just ran across this blog post and ended up watching your abortion video, in which you attempt to normalize abortion (by not showing any of the actual abortion except your smiling face) with happy background music.

This is my response to you.

I want to let you know that my husband and I have been trying to have children for over two years with no baby to date. Infertility has been the hardest obstacle I have ever faced in life. We’ve spent every month for the past two years wondering if our heart’s desires will come true through the blessing of pregnancy…only to find out yet again our desires will remain unmet.

Knowing where I’m coming from, imagine my reaction to watching your video. I sat in my chair bawling me eyes out. Why? Why? Why? would God put a baby into your womb instead of mine or any number of my infertile friends’? You didn’t even want your child…a child I would have given ANYTHING to love. You may have even wished the pregnancy on someone else.

To an infertile woman, abortion is a mockery. A slap in the face. A punch in the gut. A knife in the heart. And to watch you parading around normalizing it was like a death blow.

And then you said these haunting words:

“I feel in awe of the fact that I can make a baby. I can make a life. I knew what I was doing was right because it was right for me, and no one else.”

Cue heart-wrenching tears on my end.

You have the ability to co-create with God through your body. You even felt the awe that comes with new life. An awe I’ve longed to know but likely never will. Yet you threw the gift away because it was “right for you and no one else.”

I understand that pregnancy can be hard, difficult, shameful, inconvenient, painful, unwanted, frightening, or heart-breaking. I’m not writing you this letter to tell you that you shouldn’t feel those very real emotions. I’m also not writing to cause you a giant guilt-trip. As much as I would like to go off in a rant, I would rather move towards something constructive.

If I am not here to verbally beat you up, then why am I writing you this letter? To tell you what I wish you would’ve had the knowledge of and courage to choose…

Choose life. Choose adoption.

You said yourself that it wasn’t the right time to become a parent, so carrying full-term and parenting wasn’t the right option for you. But why not adoption? Did you consider it at all? It’s estimated that young women in your shoes choose abortion 23 times more often than choosing adoption. This statistic baffles me, as it’s also estimated there are 36 couples for every baby placed for adoption…so certainly there is a great desire to adopt our there. There was a loving home you could have given your baby. Yes, I understand that in itself can be a hard and emotional experience…but it was available and many women in your shoes have chosen that.

I really can’t change what you did. Or how you think. But I can possibly influence other women who find themselves in similar shoes. 

I want to hold up and commend those women who woke up one morning, found themselves in less-than-desirable pregnancy circumstance, and decided not to pursue abortion…but instead adoption. Those women are my heroes. In a society that hails abortion as the quick-simple-fix to unwanted pregnancies, they gave their child a chance. They also allowed couples desiring to grow their family an opportunity to do so.

Yes, it certainly cost them time, stretch-marks, emotions, money, and energy. On many levels they accept loss so that others may gain. A beautiful sacrifice indeed. 

That is what should be celebrated. That is who videos should be praising and normalizing. Not the killing of a baby with a simple “I’m done, yay!” remark at the end.

I’ll never know how you made your decision, Emily. And I can’t judge it either, as I am not the creator of life. But I can shed a tear on your behalf and wish you would’ve had more resources, support, courage, and time to consider adoption. You made your choice in less than 24-hours which is unbelievable swift when considering such weighty matters. I can’t imagine what it’s like to process that days later…and for the rest of your life.

To any woman reading this in similar shoes as Emily – please consider adoption. Give your baby a chance. Give others the gift of a family. Allow God to bring good from a tough…maybe even horrific situation.

My husband and I are currently beginning the adoption process. We may never be parents without the selfless act of a birth mother choosing adoption for her child. I can only imagine the gratitude that will fill our hearts on that day a child is placed in our home.

Emily, you seem to be doing really well in your video. I have no idea how your abortion will affect you over the days, months, and years. I don’t wish ill upon you or anyone for that matter. If you do start to struggle with your choice, there are good people out there who can help you process those emotions.

If you ever find yourself in similar circumstances again…I would help find your baby a loving home. Please don’t forget adoption.