May 2016 Archives

Adoption

Humbled.

May 31, 2016

Thank you to everyone who read and shared our latest blog post!

It was shocking to me to see just how many people care about our family. Last time I looked at it, our post had been shared over 50 times on Facebook alone. Incredibly humbling to say the least.

Last time we adopted we connected with a birth family the very same day we blogged about it.

This time? No match yet but we’re still hopeful and praying.

I didn’t think the same exact situation would happen again because no two adoption stories are ever the same! Our second adoption might take a bit longer than last time…or even a quite a while longer than last time.

However, I know that God will bring the right situation at the right moment.

The exciting thing is we do have a few possible leads! Now, before you get too excited, leads are by no means a match. A lot and I mean a LOT of steps come between a lead and an adoption placement.

Most were loose connections to potential situations and another was very specific but wayyyyyyy out of our price range. We’re trying to privately match to keep costs low, and we trust God will bring us a situation that matches with that desire.

This week we plan to follow up with each potential situation mentioned to us and see where the Lord takes things from there.

Jesus might ask us to reconsider our desire to keep it low-cost.…or whatever other preferences we have. But he might not. We believe these desires were placed within us to lead us to the right place for the right moment and unless he nudges us to change…we will remain steady on the course.

Please keep praying and looking for situations and let us know if anything comes up! We’re so grateful to have you all behind us, cheering us on in this journey. The goodness of others is the one thing that stood out to us last time we adopted and hands down I am already seeing that goodness overwhelm us once again.

Thank you again from the bottom of our hearts.

Adoption

Help Us Find #BabyTex2!

May 27, 2016

Recently I posted about how insanely hectic life has been – how we’re in the process of launching an online business, doing lots of lifestyle changes, periodically helping launch the FOCUS Summer Project in Estes Park, CO and gearing up for two surgeries in June.

Naturally, God would choose this moment to prompt us to begin the search for #BabyTex2 since he’s funny like that.

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Many of you remember that this very blog was how Miss Josie Rosie came into our family.

We posted an adoption photo of our family and asked for your help in finding a match. Many of you touched us deeply, by sharing that photo and our blog. We had over 7,000 views that day here at True Good & Beautiful and within twelve hours, we had made initial contact with the beautiful Momma who was choosing life for her baby and wanted to make an adoption plan with us.

Um, who puts a photo up on Facebook saying they hope to adopt and find a match by the end of the day? No one.

Only God could have orchestrated that. He humbled us (and many of you!) as he showed just how in control he truly is.

There are times since then where I experience sadness about our ongoing infertility (which is normal and to be expected!) but when I sit down and reflect on who God is and how firmly I know he wills good for our family…my attitude shifts. He will grow our family if he desires. We need to simply be open to life in the ways he asks of us.

Currently, we are undergoing infertility treatments under the care of the Pope Paul VI Institute in Omaha, NE. We are making some progress, especially since making significant lifestyle changes to sleep and diet. I have a surgery scheduled in June 9 and June 20, so we’ll have to reassess trying to conceive after what those reveal.

We mentioned discerning embryo adoption a few months back and while we are still discerning that option, it’s just not our next step. We will write more on how we’re discerning that at a later point. Foster to adopt is also something we’re discerning but again, not our next step.

That brings us back to a designated domestic adoption.

By specifying designated, we mean connecting with a birth family privately instead of being matched through an agency or a consultant – both of which add significant costs to the already hefty adoption process price tag.

Miss JoRo is 18 months old and we’ve hoped for another baby for about a while now. Seeing her with other children is such a joy to us and we want to give her the gift of a sibling(s) in our home she can grow up beside. But we’ve essentially had zero control over providing a sibling…because infertility. We also had no extra money (hello tranny blow-up and emergency vet bills) to start another home study.

The options to grow our family were on hold.

At the beginning of 2016 we felt like the time was right to be more active in our openness to life. Again, we don’t know if that openness will take years or months and only God knows through which avenue (bio or adoption). When infertility and adoption are involved, there is really no way to predict when one’s family might grow next.

We’ve been talking about wanting to do another designated adoption and even had a couple situations to discern that came up randomly. Those leads went cold quickly and in the past couple of weeks we’ve felt that same draw to invite others to help us once again. To admit we can’t grow our family in a vacuum. To humbly trust that God will use our public vulnerability to work in the lives of others while he grows our little family.

So here we are. Asking for your help.

How can YOU help?

Share the image below or this blog post on social media (Facebook, Twitter, Periscope, etc.) Help us get the word out that we desire to adopt again and are looking to connect with a family hoping to make an adoption plan for their current pregnancy.

“Hey everyone! I know of an incredible family looking to grow their family through adoption. If you or anyone you know is looking for an adoptive family, let me know.”

Ask around about any adoption situations, particularly if you know anyone who works in Emergency Pregnancy Services, Labor & Delivery, OBGYN office, High School and Collegiate environments, Facebook groups you’re part of (A pregnancy-related FB group is how we found Josie’s Birth Mama!), your church, or anywhere else you feel led.

Pray. Join us in praying that God would add to our family according to His will.

Thank you in advance for all of you who will help us spread the word.

Infertility

When God Ripped My Band-Aid Off

May 16, 2016

It’s no secret that we’ve experienced infertility for over four and a half years.

It’s also no secret that infertility led me to a dark, desperate, and depressed place. I can see it in certain blog posts or even journal entries. (sorry no link to those!) 😉

I was oh so very wounded and emotionally drowning.

But in time that pain started to evaporate.

Jonathan and I began communicating in healthier ways. We launched into the adoption process. We took a break from medical treatment. I induced lactation so I could breastfeed. And finally Josephine Rose Teixeira came into our lives.

All those changes occurred within a six month window and they left me feeling AMAZING!

It was as if everything that had been wrong was finally redeemed. After a long and dark night, the sun began to rise. That’s where I’ve lived a good majority of the past couple of years and to be honest – it was wonderful. It was good to be my happy self once again, free from the stress and pressure that infertility brings with it.

In January I got my cycle back after discontinuing the medication I’d used to induce lactation and I started to feel the old nerves creeping back in. The pressure began to compound silently.

I started medical evaluation. I made major lifestyle changes. I started having anxiety attacks when I had to go to the doctor.

The ultrasounds showed no signs of ovulation. My hormones were headed in the wrong direction. Then the final death blow – I have a uterine septum that may prevent me from ever successfully carrying a pregnancy. The septum requires me to undergo two extensive surgeries in June.

And just like that I fell back. Way back to that dark and lonely place I used to know well.

All of a sudden pregnancy announcements killed me. Gender reveal parties felt like a mockery. Baby showers brought on glazed over eyes and numbness. I grew bitter, sad, emotional, and began isolating myself.

This was as shocking to me as it was Jonathan, since those wounds were supposed to be BEHIND us. I’ve spent the last two years being happy! How could I slip back into this desolate place once again?

It was in reflection and spiritual direction that I realized somewhere in the past couple of years, I threw a band-aid on a bleeding and gaping wound.

The wound was my refusal to trust in God. The band-aid was the excitement of change.

Let’s examine my stubborn refusal to trust God first:

I have trusted God to a certain degree with our fertility issues but never fully. Or if I did really surrender, I grabbed control back faster than you can say “Bob’s your uncle!” Trusting God fully in this area means total surrender to his will. To prefer his will to my will. To trust that he will provide for us and grow our family. To embrace this cross and allow it to make me holy. That even if his will is NOT my will, I choose his instead.

The fruits of a surrender like that involve peace, trust, contentment, joy, and love. When I abandon my heart there isn’t room for jealousy or comparison because of trust that I’m living God’s will for me and “Fertile Myrtle” is living God’s will for her. There isn’t room for depression because yet again there is JOY in knowing I’m in the midst of God’s will for my life. There isn’t room for bitterness because peace exudes from those who trust in the Lord. There isn’t room for self-loathing because of a firmly rooted identity in Jesus Christ that defines me over anything else.

Now before anyone else battling infertility stones me, I am not saying there aren’t human emotions to battle after abandoning infertility to God’s will. Jealousy, sadness, bitterness, and depression will still rear their ugly heads from time to time. Taking those emotions and allowing our intellect and will to direct them appropriately to the Lord is what we have to do. Then we can be filled supernaturally with HIS peace, joy, and contentment in the midst of heartache and loss while seeing others blessed around us.

Now let’s peek at that band-aid sitch:

I am literally addicted to being busy. A full calendar, multi-tasking, getting things done, slashing to-do lists, hectic schedules, thinking about an epic and productive day…those are what get my blood pumping. If I even look at a blank calendar, I have anxiety and must fill it immediately…even with simple things like “Lunch” or “Nap” when Josie was a tiny baby. I just have to have things written in to make my day feel packed.

I love busy, so it makes sense why all my infertility woes sort of faded into the background when we were swept into the momentum of adoption and new parenthood. Busy was my band-aid and busy is what I’ve been for two years. I hadn’t stopped being on the go nor have I had anything disrupt that pattern.

Until major negative medical news smacked me over the head and ripped my band-aid off…leaving the same old wound bleeding and exposed.

I don’t want any more band-aids.

I want healing…and it will only come from reckless abandonment to God’s will for my life – no matter how well it matches up to the life I’ve dreamed up. I want to trust Jesus fully with our lives and without conditions or clauses. This surrender won’t be easy and it will probably take a bit of wrestling with God before it’s just how I see life…but I’ll get there.

I want to exude the fruits of abandonment in my life: peace, joy, love, and freedom. I want to be so confident in my identity as God’s daughter that infertility (or any other suffering) can’t shake me. I want to hear about pregnancy announcements and be filled with JOY at the gift of new life for another family. I want to walk up to a group of moms complaining about pregnancy and be able to empathize and listen to them without getting irritated. I want to stop comparing my infertility to others’ fertility.

I want to stop comparing God’s will for my life with his will for others’ lives.

I surrendered control to Jesus over 10 years ago but it was drenched with fine print that dictated under what situations I would actually trust him. I didn’t know I’d done that…but suffering showed the true colors of my surrender, as I think it does for many.

I’m done. I won’t do it anymore. Band-aides won’t help me become the saint you’ve called me to be.

Infertility is all yours, Lord. Kick me out of the drivers seat and help me contentedly trust that your taking me exactly where I need to go – no matter what the circumstances.

No more band-aids. I give you everything Jesus and I will follow you wherever you call me, no matter what it looks like. Give my grace in my weak moments and transform my desires to match perfectly to your desires.

And help me to slow the heck down. Take this Martha of a girl and teach her how to be a Mary from time to time. Bring me into your presence and help me to be still and know that you are God.

Amen.